Mother's Day

 My dear P. J.,

This is my first Mother's Day and it didn't go as I planned. I thought I would revel in a day off, a day of being spoiled and appreciated, but I was wrong. I breathed in the scent of your freshly-lotioned baby skin a little deeper and noticed my heart leap a little higher when I heard you laugh. Instead of finding joy in the words of congratulations, I found a deeper joy in reflecting that I was your Mother. 

Before you came along, your father and I enjoyed watching other young couples with their children. We would smile together as we looked forward to the day when that would be us and wondered aloud together whose eyes you'd have. Then we decided to try and have you. It took a little more intervention then we planned and a couple of months of momma being tested and working with doctors. My heart broke every month you didn't come. Especially one night, when I KNEW I had to pregnant. My heart fluttered as I waited for the results in our basement apartment, and then crushed when it read back- no. I cried for you PJ. I cried because I had been so sure I could feel you there.

The next day I told the doctor, who could see the sadness in my eyes I'm sure. She told me to take a test there and wait for the results while I worked ( I worked as a Pharmacy Technician inside a Health Clinic). I didn't know if I could bear to be see the negative response again. My boss let me run a couple hallways over to the lab where they took a drop of my blood for the test. The test that told me that you were there, after all. Standing in the lab I started to cry the happiest tears I had ever shed. I was going to be a mom- I was going to be your mom.

It's been 7 months now that you were born and I became a totally different person. It amazes me that one single event- your birth- could change my view of the world in an instant. It amazes me that I could care so little about my sleep, my hair, my body as long as you are getting everything you need. And it amazes me that a single smile from you could make every trace of exhaustion or frustration melt away.

I love you so much P. J. On this Mother's Day I couldn't help to share how much I love being your mom and how excited I am to share Mother's Days with you and our future family for years to come.
Thank you for making me a Mother.

Love,

Laura "Momma" Velez